I must confess that I have a strong streak of justice running through me coupled with some liberal leanings and a twist of rebellion. I guess I’m just wired that way and at times I am strangely compelled to engage in highly compassionate acts. I am also compelled to “give it to the man” from time to time, so when these pastimes collide, I reach a sort of nirvana that can stay with me for weeks.
Keeping this in mind, I know it will be of no surprise to you that I have recently joined the occupy movement. Well not actually the occupy movement per se… frankly all those occupyists scare me a bit but they do inspire me. I have taken it upon myself to engage in my own impromptu occupation.
Remember those 1% people, those horrible rich people; the ones who are responsible for all the evil in the world? Those nameless, faceless masses of corporate conglomeration…
I think they need to be sent a lesson that we the 99% are not taking it anymore and that we are fighting back until the playing field is more level. And we, well, I will be occupying a symbol of their opulence and greed… and what better place to occupy that than the penthouse suite of the Hilton?
I know you are thinking this plan may be a wee bit on the radical side. I agree but I cannot see any other way to bring attention to my, our cause. I feel that I could become an inspiration to all the overworked and overlooked huddled masses yearning to breathe free. (Isn’t America great!)
I will have to make the sacrifice and live among those nasty one percenters and I will do so until all my comrades on the street, all the neglected, the poor, the tired and rejected and the rest of humanity (plus some select cats) get to live in the same luxury as we Hilton dwellers.
I will point out at this point that I am willing to make further sacrifices and I am an easy sell-out and not above blatant bribery. Any nicer hotel in the Portland area will do. (imagine the great publicity this hotel would get…hint, hint)
I’m planning on staging a sort of John Lennonish bed-in with signs and reporters minus the Ono (sorry Yoko) and Amsterdam (sorry me) to protest all the unfairness in the world. I will sing songs of love and peace and do it all in my P.J’s and take naps on the side. (I hear the beds are super comfy)
Of course it won’t be easy. I will have to live off room service and will have to find somewhere to go each day while my suite is being cleaned. I suppose I will have to use the spa and the pool and watch some pay per view movies…I am prepared for these eventual sacrifices..very prepared.
My list of demands are as follows:
- 24 hour room service
- Maid service with nightly tuck down and Andes mints on my pillow.
- A nice white terry plush robe.
- Ritzy rich people stuff from the gift shop
- Giant fruit baskets and exotic root beers from all over he world
- A wireless connection
- A superb view of the city
- Free coffee and baby soaps
- Decedent chocolate desserts
- Complementary newspapers
- Free domestic calls
- Laundry service
- And most importantly; a breakfast buffet with a yummy omelet station……No I mean equality for all and omelets too!
Unlike other protests and protestors, there will be no drum circle, or mobs of angry people blocking the street. There will be a minimum of noise, perhaps some light jazz or classical music playing in the background. There will be no damage inflicted anywhere or mess to clean up; just a few damp towels, empty bottles of bubble bath and the traces of many chocloate desserts left behind.
I do not think I am being unreasonable here. It will be a win-win situation for us all.
Frankly and honestly…At this point I don’t care if it’s a Motel 6 with a private bath and a vending machine outside the door. What really matters is the principle of the thing.
I need a vacation..I mean, we the people need a vaction and equality too and all that good stuff.
And so this very weekend I will showing up at the Hilton, bags in hand, ready for my protest. You may join my protest..just show up at the nicest hotel in town with your demands..tell them Strawberryindigo sent you and have your visa card ready…