SHY

 

shy girl

 

“My feelings are too loud for words and too shy for the world.”

― Dejan Stojanovic

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I have always been shy. There has never been a time in my life when I wasn’t to some degree or another. It’s not just that I don’t know what to say or how to say it, I am afraid to say anything at all.

It is embarrassing and what’s even more embarrassing is that it is so evident. You can’t hide shyness, it is tough to cover. The shy person may look like everyone else on the outside but on the inside he or she doesn’t feel the same.

 

 

me at age 6 001 eyes

I remember when I first started kindergarten at age 4. It was my first exposure to a large group of other kids and it was very odd and surreal to me. Everyone seemed so at ease with being themselves. They could move around gracefully whereas I was clumsy. They knew what to say, I never did. I couldn’t understand how they could know what to say.

This was so evident from the very first day. I didn’t understand. It was as if these other kids had been told how to act or if they just knew instinctively.

In my whole school “career”  I never spoke up.  I never raised my hand or even  asked a question, not once. I would willingly take a lower grade in order to get out of public speaking.

All I could do was to try to blend into the background as best as I could. Most of the time it worked. At other times, it did not.  From time to time some idiot would make it a point of drawing attention to me and my shyness by making stupid and sarcastic comments about it always within earshot of a crowd . This was horrible and it only drew me more inward.

 

 

 

 

 

As an adult shyness has held me back from life. I remember so many instances when I felt I needed to speak up, to say something but so many times I never did.  I just let fate and circumstance dictate the direction of my life and to be brutally honest; I haven’t gone far.

Shyness has held me back in life. It has been an albatross around my neck and I want this to stop.

I am better today but it has taken a long time to get where I am now and I still have a long way to go…

quote lonesome in a crowd marilyn monroe

 

 

 

Shyness is a prison. It holds its captive in a state of the perpetual outsider even with one’s own family.  A shy person rarely makes friends with another, it is the other who must make friends first. For two mutual sufferers of this affliction to meet and later become friends is a very rare and beautiful occurrence indeed.

woman sitting on rock sunset shadow contemplation

 

Often shyness is mistaken for indifference, aloofness and downright coldness. I know when it is happening and I can feel it. There  seems to be a wall or some sort of  invisible barrier between myself and everyone else. It’s as if it is written on my face,  this social awkwardness. I suppose that is why I am telling you this painful embarrassing stuff about me.  There is always that one in the crowd, the one that stands a bit a part from everyone else, the one who is always left out of the loop, the one thought unapproachable and unfriendly, may be a warm soul who would love to make a friend but just doesn’t know how.   Shyness is not a choice. I do not choose to be this way. It has stunted my growth and my life and as I scramble to make up for lost time at 44 and I feel the need to call attention to the plight of the shy person.

So if you see one of us out there trying to blend into the background wearing an insecure scowl offer up a warm smile or a simple “hello”. This sort of thing spreads. Insecurity and shyness are often go hand and hand. If you see something wonderful in someone, tell them, perhaps they will recognize it too and eventually in time it will be they that say hello to you!

 

We all have own strengths and weaknesses, no one is perfect. It takes time to get to know someone but it is well worth that time. Shy, not shy…whatever. It is healthy to want to reach out, some of us just need a little help on what may come naturally to others. No one wants to be left out entirely.   We are all human with human needs and wants including friends.   That’s all. 

 

 

vintage-friends beach fun madness

 

 Have an excellent day!

Nancy 

 

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“If you’re an introvert, you also know that the bias against quiet can cause deep psychic pain. As a child you might have overheard your parents apologize for your shyness. Or at school you might have been prodded to come “out of your shell” -that noxious expression which fails to appreciate that some animals naturally carry shelter everywhere they go, and some humans are just the same.”
― Susan Cain

 

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22 thoughts on “SHY

  1. I know exactly what you mean. I’ve posted about it, too. http://artcoloredglasses.com/2011/12/24/the-one-person-more-lost-than-me/. You are okay, acceptable, and normal too!!! And you are far from alone. Never be ashamed of being shy or anxious; those are just part of who you are, and characteristics of many, many wonderful people. I’ve learned to act the part of someone less introverted and more confident, but it took many years and a whole lot of practice, and I know that it’s exhausting sometimes and I need to give myself permission to recover, recoil and refresh. All worth it. I’m worth it; you’re worth it. All best to you!
    Kathryn

    • Hey Sparky. Wonderful to be among friends who understand. Sorry you have to know firsthand. All this makes us deeper and more sympathetic to others. It is a gift as well as a burden. At least I’d like to think so. You are the greatest my friend! <3

  2. I used to be terribly shy and was therefore a very quiet person. I often should have said things but never did. I am happy to say that I have learnt and I am now a lot more confident and do speak up. It needed to be ans I used to be a doormat too. No more… age has helped…. :-)

    • I am so glad for you Ute that you have conquered your shyness. It does get better with age. I have found being a mother has helped me stand my ground. At times little shy me can become a raging lioness if my cubs are threatened. haha. Thanks for dropping by my friend. It is always great to see you. :)

  3. I see from the quote above that you’ve read “Quiet” by Susan Cain. I’m reading it right now, and it’s quite enlightening! I, too, was quite shy as a child, but I came out of it some in junior high, as adolescence began. I have taken the Meyers-Briggs personality inventory a couple of times, as well as two other comparable personality tests, and I always score just on the extrovert side of the midline, but not by much. These half-way types are now called “ambiverts.” I seem able to function both in groups and on my own, but I don’t like crowds and I need a lot of solitary time.

  4. I also have so many memories of early school days not fitting in or speaking up. I suppose I improved with age, but do know exactly what you mean. Shy people are, I think, more sensitive and caring. And that’s what is wonderful about you Nancy! Hugs! x

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