“Don’t wake me for the end of the world unless it has very good special effects.” ― Roger Zelazny
Hello! If you are reading this the world has not ended…yet. I still have time to let you know that I need your help because I’m not even close to being ready for all of this. Does anyone know any Mayans? Are they still around? Maybe someone can give me their number. An e-mail address perhaps because as I said I am not ready for this at all.
One would think they could have picked a better time for this? I have a million things to do and time is running out…isn’t it always like that around the holidays? What were those Mayans thinking? I still have shopping to do and gifts to wrap. I need to clean out my refrigerator and I still have cookies to make… I was also planning on getting my hair done; a girl’s got to look her best if the world is ending… right? …and what about important things like my TV shows? The next episode of The Amish Mafia won’t be out till January…
Seriously, I don’t want to burst anyone’s bubble or rain on anyone’s parade but I think these Mayans may be a bit off. I know there are supposed to be signs to the coming apocalypse. I’ve seen enough disaster movies for that. I suppose a case could be made in this aspect as crazy as the world is but hasn’t it always been crazy all along? What about those crazy conquistadors? Did the Mayans see them coming?
I have heard many silly stories about this but this one takes the cake: Supposedly a mountain will open up in France and UFO’s will come out, I guess sort of like a spooky pinata spewing alien sweet things all over.
“Some French and international Web sites devoted to the apocalypse claim that the mountain of Bugarach is a sacred place that will protect them from the end of the world. Some even believe that, on doomsday, they will be spirited away by a group of aliens who live under the mountain”
Now if that were true it would be interesting to say the least. I have always had fantasies of “my people” coming to take me home, but they being intelligent life forms would see the sheer folly of it at this time; Christmas is only a mere 4 days away! I’m sure the aliens are much too busy.
And the zombies…let’s touch on the zombies here. Some including my son have been warning me of the impending Zombie Apocalypse. This seems a tad more realistic, I’ve seen all the movies but for that too…I am not ready.
Apparently there is a training course one must take to be prepared and frankly, I haven’t had the time….and really, zombies? Most of them are pretty slow and I’m sure I could outrun them. I think I’ve even seen a few in real life: Ever been to a 24 hour grocery at 3 a.m.? They are no threat believe me, all they seem to be looking for is junk food not brains although I’ve seen some scary ones at the DMV–yikes but really, in all honesty I don’t view a couple of cuddly zombies as any threat.
Some say the magnetic poles of the Earth will do an abrupt shift. Now that is something I could get behind…maybe it would bring us in the northern hemisphere an instant and early summer. I would really enjoy that.
Others, mostly people in the government are predicting we’ll fall off some fiscal cliff thing, now THAT is ridiculous, I can see zombies…but that? HA!
Don’t forget about Planet X. Ever heard of that one? I hadn’t either until last night upon doing reasearch on this end of the world nonsense and this one sounds the most plausible…
Some claim there’s a planet or brown dwarf called Nibiru or Planet X that is
approaching the Earth and threatening our planet with widespread
destruction. NASA has taken this one on: they say it’s a hoax, but then on second thought…why believe NASA? Aren’t they the one’s behind that moon landing hoax and all those fantastic claims that the earth is round–ha, who’s crazy here?
RING RING–RING RING…Oh exuse me..the phone is ringing, I must answer this…sorry…
“Hello, Yes?…..What?! Are you serious? I’m writing about it now…you guys have the worst timing you know…Damn…”
That was the Maya on the phone, apparently they do still exist. They too don’t believe the world is ending and they want everyone, including me to stop blaming them.
Sorry about that. The last thing I want to do is spread misinformation especially on the internet. THAT would be wrong…
I guess I’m back to square one….If it isn’t The Maya behind all these dire predictions, I wonder who it is????
It could be the Doomsday Preppers or the 90′s Band REM who did write a song about this very thing and claimed to feel fine about it…or it could be someone in Hollywood, like John Cusack is behind this, perhaps there is a sequel in the works to that 2012 movie he was in…..hmmmm….
It could be Scientology’s, Tom Cruise, he’s a bit wacked you know or perhaps it’s the Amish Mafia, now those guys are scary tough, talk about scary tough…what about John Boehner? I hear he’s power mad…or…gasp…this guy?
… I could go on…..
I don’t know who it is but whoever it is…STOP THIS because I am not at all ready.
I still have to clean out my fridge. Now THAT is scary.
ESSENTIAL READING IF YOU ARE TO SURVIVE THIS!!!
Beyond 2012 why the world won’t end (www.nasa.gov)
10 Essentials for surviving a zombie apocalypse (www.huffingtonpost.com)
Mayans Unfazed about the end of the world (usatoday.com)
Some end of the world predictions that didn’t come true (www.journalnow.com)
Tin-foil Hats Will Save You From Mayan Doomsday (weeklyworldnews.com)