Dear Computer: I hate you! You have screwed with me all day and I’m not going to take anymore! I am not in the least bit technical and frankly, I don’t want to be.. I don’t understand machines, they are foreign to me. This is not the best thing in this techno crazy world and believe me, I try…but sometimes I think I’m cursed. Today I really think I was cursed.
My computer started acting up from the get go this morning. I was in a fine writing mood and that was changed by my ignorance of technology and my computer being the spawn of the devil. Seriously, I am ashamed to say that my computer is an ancient relic that’s 10 years old!…gasp. I think its tired of me and I am tired of it.
After suffering an anxiety attack for a few minutes, I decided that action was necessary and M.M. and I took ourselves down the road in search of a new computer.
Initially we went to the land of cheap goods and cheap labor where the poor can shop for entertainment, or as I call it: Wal-Mart. It should have occurred to me as we walked in the door and smelled onions that maybe this wasn’t the place to get electronics, but hey, I’m ignorant in such matters plus I needed to get some cheap socks.
We found a cheap laptop, then we found another and decided what the hell, let’s get two. We are like that, M.M. and I. Together we create a third personality that’s three times as nutty as one of us alone. Fortunately this third person has stellar credit so we had no problem with cash flow. No, it was Wal-Mart, Their machine was down, couldn’t process the credit application. We tried four times and left in disgust.
I did get the socks and some free milk duds they gave us as I consolation prize, I don’t like milk duds, they’ll suck out your fillings if you’re not careful.
We drove down one the ugliest streets in town, saw a dead man on the sidewalk (I’m not kidding) The cops were there and I saw him, his face, the guy looked dead, I mean its something that you just know when you see it. It’s also an image I won’t forget….And so I tried to…And then
The two gang members on the corner who started to yell on us helped me forget the poor dead man. They didn’t like the way M.M. was driving and expressed themselves rather loudly. We turned and I flipped them the bird…And then the sun broke through the clouds…We made it.
We made it to an office type store full of bright shiny colorful office stuff or as I call it: Office Depot. We went straight to the laptops, determined as ever. We found two cute white ones, They’re twins! We had to bring them home right away. We signed the adoption papers with no problem, the paperwork sailed right through and before we knew it, we were back home with two shiny new laptops. Wow! I should have been excited but somehow our victory tasted bittersweet.
If I learned anything from my “adventure” today, maybe it was that in this country, the key to happiness is the availability of cheap goods and excellent credit. Or really, if I think down deep with my heart maybe I’ll realise that all of that “happiness” really doesn’t mean a damn when you are dead old man alone and unloved by the side of the road.