The Gift of Appreciation

a-christmas-gift in public domain

“Maybe you have to know the darkness before you can appreciate the light.” 
~Madeleine L’Engle

2012 has been rough for many of us including myself. This past year has hurt me in so many ways. I feel it has been the worst year of all my forty-three. I’ve been battered and bruised and my ego has surely taken a hit.  2012 had me on the ropes and seemingly down for the count more times than I’d like to remember but I keep getting up and that is the important thing…and I’ve grown immensely; in confidence, character and compassion.

This past year has certainly been a lean year as I’m sure it has been for many people but as awful as this year has been it has given me a gift that a million good years could never grant me; the gift of appreciation.

Previously in my life like so many others, I measured success in dollars and although I have never been rich I have generally been comfortable; enough to have a secure roof over my head and more than enough food to eat with a little left over for small indulgences such as trips to Starbucks, dinners out a couple of times a week and frivolous clothes shopping excursions every once in a while. No matter how much I had, I found myself wanting more. It seemed in my warped frame of mind that there was always something I seemed to lack compared to other people around me who always seemed to have more. It was as if I never measured up and that was a refection on me as a person.

I would go to the mall and pass by “Joe Brown’s Caramel Corn”, a long-time popular fixture there. I would smell the caramelly goodness and lament that I couldn’t afford a treat.  The place was always busy at the time and it seemed to me I was the only one who had to pass it up and I felt bad.

This past year has wiped out any non-necessary spending at all including my sale hunting shopping trips to the mall…but as it has a tendency to do: life goes on and I couldn’t just sit at home anymore and feel sorry for myself. I returned to the mall and passed by Joe Brown’s but I had been altered somehow.  I smelled the heavenly scent emitting from that popular spot but instead of feeling bad because I couldn’t partake in some caramel corn I felt grateful to be able to appreciate the yummy smell. I walked around and people-watched and just took it all in and for really no reason at all I felt elated!
And then it hit me… I was enjoying myself and I didn’t need a dime to do it. I discovered what I had been missing all along: a sense of appreciation just to be alive. This was a feeling that perhaps I never truly had before. It is easy to pay lip service and say you appreciate the small things but to really and truly feel it is quite another thing.

It is a gift that hardship has given me. I have my health and most importantly a family that loves me and that is so much more important than anything!  In that I am rich and no matter what the future may bring, I will always carry that around in my heart.

strawberry-heart in public domain

Wishing you a Happy and Healthy New Year full of LOVE and togetherness with family and friends.

Nancy (Strawberryindigo.)

Cloud with silver lining

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A Heartfelt THANK YOU!

festive christmas

Christmas is almost upon us and I feel this is the perfect opportunity to extend a heartfelt thanks to everyone who has liked my work, especially those of you who have graced my blog with your intelligent comments. Your feedback has been invaluable to me.

I am blessed to have such an amazing array of regular visitors from all over the world. I have learned so much from your wisdom and thoughtfulness. You have welcomed me with open arms and open minds and I am so fortunate to know you.

When I started this blog back in August of 2011 I was desperate and alone; friendless and misunderstood, you befriended and understood me. I have learned I can be myself here. That is very precious to me as I am a sensitive soul who has hidden this aspect of myself for as long as I can remember.

I had just learned of my Asperger’s and that set the tumblers in motion that has brought me here today: pouring my soul out in words that I wouldn’t dare to say to myself or even acknowledge, let alone write down for the whole world to see.

Because I hid from the world, alone in the shadows, afraid of everything…even people. Yes, I admit it here and now to you that most of my entire life I have been afraid of people; afraid to show my strange self to anyone, not even those closest to me.

I spent a good many years in an alcoholic daze “brave-facing” the world with a drunken defiant smile all the while hiding myself behind a hard steel wall of my own creation. It wasn’t until I discovered my Asperger’s that it finally dawned that I didn’t have to be alone anymore. This started my writing, first on a small blog on an Asperger’s website then a few months later in this blog. I choose the name “My Life in Color” because at the time I thought that I would write solely about my life on the spectrum to give others a chance to perhaps understand someone like me because I wanted/needed desperately to be understood.  I was ashamed of this and embarrassed that I didn’t have any real friends just drinking buddies who never knew me because I never let them. I never let anyone know me, even my own family.

It was the fear I hid behind: The fear of rejection, of ridicule, of others knowing what was really going on inside of me; how different I was. I hardly ever spoke to anyone.  I just kept writing in my little notebooks and reading and learning. Words were my friends, you see and I knew somewhere deep down in my buried heart that words would someday save me–if I would only have to courage to let those words see the light of day.

But I lacked the confidence, until only recently I had no confidence at all or courage or anything of merit.  I just existed and waited for what…I didn’t know, but I do know now. I waited for this; for a chance to be myself: hidden behind a facade of a fake name and the belief that no one would be reading my stuff anyway. The first month or so no one did, not many anyway, but one by one you came and you told me good things about me. You told me I was a good writer. You encouraged me.  You understood me and you didn’t laugh at me or make me feel small. I don’t know why, but you kept coming and reading and commenting. Some of you for everything I wrote–everything.  You didn’t mind that it sometimes takes me many days to return your comments. You didn’t mind if I didn’t make it to your sites all the time.  You just kept returning and as the months came and went some of you called me friend and then after a while I had to courage to call you friend because I’ve learned about friendship from you and this is spilling out into my offline life. I have the courage now; the courage to look others in the eye and smile and say “I’m really glad to see you” and really mean it. This is because of you my friends.  You saw something in me that I could never see before and I cannot truly convey how much I appreciate this.

This is like magic to me and now because of you and your kindness and acceptance of me I can finally see beyond myself to you and to others.  I have found that I am not so different after all and there are many people in the world who too are alone, even in a crowd as I was. There are a great many people who just want to be understood and to hear someone say ” I care and you matter”

It means so much to me when you say I’ve brightened your day or made you think or smile or even laugh. I didn’t know I could be funny. I didn’t know I could be anything or anyone at all.

You my friends have given me this gift and what a precious one it is, more valuable than gold and it is a gift that keeps on giving because if there is anything I do in this life it will be paying this gift back to anyone and everyone that needs it….and there are so many and I think really, sometimes we all do.

This desire goes beyond my dream to become a writer someday, this silly pipe dream to become the next J.K Rowling. That is nothing. Money is nothing. Notoriety is nothing. I am not alone anymore and that is something and that is because of you!

You have saved me and that is why I am thanking you.

nancy with caffeine another copy

Thank you my friends and HAPPY CHRISTMAS!

Nancy

Mario wishes you a happy hoilday too!
Mario wishes you a happy holiday too!

It’s the end of the world and I feel fine!

 doomsday 12-21-2012

“Don’t wake me for the end of the world unless it has very good special effects.”  ―    Roger Zelazny

Hello!  If you are reading this the world has not ended…yet. I still have time to let you know that I need your help because I’m not even close to being ready for all of this.  Does anyone know any Mayans? Are they still around? Maybe someone can give me their number.  An e-mail address perhaps because as I said I am not ready for this at all.

mayan_calendar

One would think they could have picked a better time for this? I have a million things to do and time is running out…isn’t it always like that around the holidays?  What were those Mayans thinking?  I still have shopping to do and gifts to wrap. I need to clean out my refrigerator and I still have cookies to make… I was also planning on getting my hair done; a girl’s got to look her best if the world is ending… right?  …and what about important things like my TV shows?  The next episode of The Amish Mafia won’t be out till January…

Discovery Channel

Seriously, I don’t want to burst anyone’s bubble or rain on anyone’s parade but I think these Mayans may be a bit off.  I know there are supposed to be signs to the coming apocalypse. I’ve seen enough disaster movies for that. I suppose a case could be made in this aspect as crazy as the world is but hasn’t it always been crazy all along? What about those crazy conquistadors? Did the Mayans see them coming?

end alien_in_UFO_cartoon

I have heard many silly stories about this but this one takes the cake: Supposedly a mountain will open up in France and UFO’s will come out, I guess sort of like a spooky pinata spewing alien sweet things all over.

“Some French and international Web sites devoted to the apocalypse claim that the mountain of Bugarach is a sacred place that will protect them from the end of the world. Some even believe that, on doomsday, they will be spirited away by a group of aliens who live under the mountain”

Now if that were true it would be interesting to say the least. I have always had fantasies of “my people” coming to take me home, but they being intelligent life forms would see the sheer folly of it at this time; Christmas is only a mere 4 days away!  I’m sure the aliens are much too busy.

end zombie-apocalypse

And the zombies…let’s touch on the zombies here.  Some including my son have been warning me of the impending Zombie Apocalypse. This seems a tad more realistic, I’ve seen all the movies but for that too…I am not ready.

end zombies_nightofthelivingdead

Apparently there is a training course one must take to be prepared and frankly, I haven’t had the time….and really, zombies?  Most of them are pretty slow and I’m sure I could outrun them. I think I’ve even seen a few in real life:  Ever been to a 24 hour grocery at 3 a.m.? They are no threat believe me, all they seem to be looking for is junk food not brains although I’ve seen some scary ones at the DMV–yikes but really, in all honesty I don’t view a couple of cuddly zombies as any threat.

Some say the magnetic poles of the Earth will do an abrupt shift. Now that is something I could get behind…maybe it would bring us in the northern hemisphere an instant and early summer. I would really enjoy that.

Fiscal-cliff-ahead-jpg

Others, mostly people in the government are predicting we’ll fall off some fiscal cliff thing, now THAT is ridiculous, I can see zombies…but that?  HA!

Don’t forget about Planet X. Ever heard of that one? I hadn’t either until last night upon doing reasearch on this end of the world nonsense and this one sounds the most plausible…

planets_colliding-SOURCE-NASA-Public-Domain

Some claim there’s a planet or brown dwarf called Nibiru or Planet X that is
approaching the Earth and threatening our planet with widespread
destruction.  NASA has taken this one on: they say it’s a hoax, but then on second thought…why believe NASA? Aren’t they the one’s behind that moon landing hoax and all those fantastic claims that the earth is round–ha, who’s crazy here?

RING RING–RING RING…Oh exuse me..the phone is ringing, I must answer this…sorry…

“Hello, Yes?…..What?!  Are you serious?   I’m writing about it now…you guys have the worst timing you know…Damn…”

That was the Maya on the phone, apparently they do still exist. They too don’t believe the world is ending and they want everyone, including me to stop blaming them.

Sorry about that. The last thing I want to do is spread misinformation especially on the internet. THAT would be wrong…

I guess I’m back to square one….If it isn’t The Maya behind all these dire predictions, I wonder who it is????

end of the world 2012 John Cusack

It could be the Doomsday Preppers or the 90’s Band REM who did write a song about this very thing and claimed to feel fine about it…or it could be someone in Hollywood, like John Cusack is behind this, perhaps there is a sequel in the works to that 2012 movie he was in…..hmmmm….

end scream

It could be Scientology’s, Tom Cruise, he’s a bit wacked you know or perhaps it’s the Amish Mafia, now those guys are scary tough, talk about scary tough…what about John Boehner? I hear he’s power mad…or…gasp…this guy?

GrinchF
Boehner..oops…sorry, this is THE GRINCH, I got the two mixed up (my bad)

… I could go on…..

I don’t know who it is but whoever it is…STOP THIS because I am not at all ready.

I still have to clean out my fridge. Now THAT is scary.

THE END
THE END???

ESSENTIAL READING IF YOU ARE TO SURVIVE THIS!!!

doomsday_sign
Doomsday Sign (Photo credit: matt.ohara)

It’s the end of the world as we know it (and I feel fine)  By REM (http://www.youtube.com)

Beyond 2012 why the world won’t end  (www.nasa.gov)

For End of the World, a French Peak Holds Allure   (www.nytimes.com)

10 Essentials for surviving a zombie apocalypse  (www.huffingtonpost.com)

Mayans Unfazed about the end of the world (usatoday.com)

Some end of the world predictions that didn’t come true  (www.journalnow.com)

Tin-foil Hats Will Save You From Mayan Doomsday (weeklyworldnews.com)

A Love You Can Bank On

bank heart_filled_with_love

“It is well enough that people of the nation do not understand our banking and money system, for if they did, I believe there would be a revolution before tomorrow morning.” ~ Henry Ford~

.

It is late November, soon after Thanksgiving, a woman with a fake smile plastered to her face opens the door and welcomes me inside. The sweet inviting smell of gingerbread wafts out like a meandering tendril of affection pulling me in closer and closer. A giant stuffed pony sits at the ready, seemingly waiting for giant hugs…I must say that it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas; I can almost hear the carolers now but all I hear is “Welcome to Wells Fargo!”

I have been frequenting this bank for the last twenty years or so and I have never seen it quite like this: Ever since Occupy Portland staged a bank protest day the people at the bank have become seemingly friendlier and friendlier. To the banks this may seem like good public relations but it seems too artificial and it is unnerving to me.

I look for the cookies to no avail and I feel stupid for doing that…of course they must be practicing the popular trend of piping in the intoxicating aroma to lull us poor unsuspecting customers into a false sense of security… Trust perhaps?

bankster-trust-me-im-a-banker by teamster nation

Banks are big on trust. It seems those with the money and the power are desperate to get us little guys to trust them. I have a piece of advice on that: never trust anyone who keeps bringing up the issue of trust: who says “trust me” or really anyone at all for that matter (except for your family and me–you must trust me)

I see the poor nervous ones in the corner, waiting uncomfortably in comfy plush chairs arranged in a circle in a vague semblance of someone’s living room. They are waiting their turn to see a personal banker. (aka purse string holder)  These are the people who help you apply for a loan or help modify your mortgage.  Every one of these poor waiting people look sick.  One in particular, an elderly man in a frayed jacket with paint stains is visually shaken. I’ve been in that spot before; I feel sorry for them and relieved that I am not among their ranks–today.

banks make-money-public-domain

It is a strange event when banks won’t take cash from you…Yes cash, that funny green paper we mortals keep passing around, the dirty stuff you must wash your hands after using. We had an envelope of cash–around $300, not much to some but a lot to me.  MM hands them the wrong bankcard from another institution of banking and larceny. He receives a disappointed look, like he has been caught cheating. I add to the insult by writing the wrong number on the deposit slip. the teller who resembles Timothy Geithner asks for his ID. He hands it to Timmy but Timmy now squints and gazes at him sideways; MM looks different from the picture with his newish beard and that was that–Timmy refuses to accept the money, seriously. He tells us with utter contempt to return with the correct information. In the past no one has questioned us for such an offense, in my experience banks will always take cash but not today… we are perplexed.

Timmy Geithner

I say to MM:  ” I should write about this.” He gives me that “Oh no, not again” look but quickly tries to cover it with a placating smile.  I don’t know how he can put up with me sometimes and as the afternoon goes on I ask him and a few others if they have ever heard of any interesting stories about banks in the news lately…especially nice ones as I want to get all angles of this story–Happy bankers, heartwarming tidbits of gleeful giving, perfect for the upcoming Holiday season…I ask this with a straight face. I really want the banks to be able to redeem themselves in my eyes, really, I mean it! …I know what you’re thinking and everyone I talked to thought along similar lines and so all I get are the same placating smiles and polite “No’s”.

The internet knows all Kittycat

I then turn to all that’s fit to print: The internet. The Internet knows all, so when I ask it the very same question, it too gives me the same look and this time a very stern “NO!”

And this gets me thinking…

I felt like the long-suffering wife in a bad marriage; unloved and unappreciated.  I looked at myself hard in the mirror, I studied all the newly formed worry lines on my face. I took  way too long showers and cried myself to sleep. I binged on chocolate ice cream and listened to love songs and cried even more…well…no, not really but I did have some ice cream and I did do one other thing–for real:  I quit that bank. I realised that it really  “wasn’t that into me and I withdrew my little sum of money and marched straight to the arms of another love–The local credit union!

money on my purple lap

“Corporations have no souls but they can love one another.”

~Henry Demarest Lloyd~

money bags

 Related articles

Credit Unions VS Banks, the pros and cons (www.huffingtonpost.com)

Goldman Sachs’ Long History Of ‘Money And Power  (npr.org)

Occupy Portland: N17 Protestors move into downtown, go from bank to bank, police make some arrests    (oregonlive.com)

50 ways to leave your lover by Paul Simon (www.youtube.com)

How Traditional Banking Practices Can Make You Poor (wisebread.com)

Banks… 😐 (muddiedwater.wordpress.com)

Today the world is colder…Senselessness at Sandy Hook Elementary

I am stunned and saddened by what has happened in Connecticut today and I am compelled to write this. I suppose that is only human nature; to reach out after such a tragic event. My fingers are flying across the keyboard as I quickly compose this.

First of all, my  heart goes out to all the families and to everyone involved…really…my heart goes out to everyone because we are all involved.

I yearn to offer words of comfort, of solace. I want to say that everything will be alright. .

I want to ask ‘Why?!”   I want to scream and rage and cry my eyes out! I want to make sense of all this senselessness, but it is all much too shocking and much too fresh…

All I can say at this point is this must stop!

I am frightened at what this world is becoming.  I’ve been making light of this end of days business; this crazy notion that the Mayan’s have predicted the world ending on December 21st of this year.  I still don’t believe in that insane notion but nevertheless, I am keeping myself and my family at home on that day, not because I believe the world will end but because I doubt the sanity of my fellow humans and I don’t trust in them. I guess I should say “us” because it is “us”  and this angers me.

Is this what we humans are about?!  We think the world will end so we go crazy…this mania is contagious and if I have helped spread it by my making fun of it, I regret this… and again I say, this time I am screaming; THIS MUST STOP!!!!

Why oh why do we humans need to turn on each other in times of crisis?

This is a rhetorical question I expect no answer…and I really don’t know why I am writing this…I can offer you nothing really, no insight or answers, no comfort but to offer a discourse and a suggestion…a sugggestion that will probably be repeated time and time again over the coming days.

Be there for your loved ones, hug them a little tighter tonight.  Be a shoulder to cry on or an ear to talk off, or a heart to reach out with love.  Be there; because we need each other–especially right now.

I have tried in the past to keep this blog light…I want to be a port in the storm on a sea of darkness but today is just too dark for that but I will make a promise to you, my friends. On THAT day–you know the one..the day I’ll be staying home, I will be publishing a frivolous distraction and I will do my best to make you smile, perhaps to give you a laugh or two but today the wound is still too fresh but on that day I promise this…

…for now I want to say…. I need to say…I’m sorry…

Take care and remember LOVE is contagious too.

Nancy (aka Strawberryindigo.)

candle-in-the-darkness

Why I Wear Rose Colored Glasses

rose-colored-glasses

I wear rose-colored glasses. I’ll be happy to admit it. These glasses are relatively new and they perfectly accessorize my colorful wardrobe.

I haven’t always been so optimistic. Most of my life I dwelt in a pessimistic darkness I called realism. I prided myself on my cool demeanor and my tough exterior.  I took life as it came: living for today but not much more. My attitude was let’s party now before the world ends.

I even thought at one time the world would be better off without us. We humans after all have treated our planet so shabbily. Successful parasites have learned not to kill their host. We humans have not reached that pinnacle…yet, but I am rooting for us.  I believe in us. I have a hope I didn’t have before.

I thought hope was for fools and dreams were for idiots. I had jaded myself intensely at a much too early age. My realism, interests and inquisitive nature has sent me on a lifetime fact-finding truth-seeking mission. I am compelled by thirst for knowledge more than anything. It is probably due to my Asperger’s. It is a trait I would not change for the world but I know It drives those around me a little crazy.

I used to be an avid news watcher, a political junkie and imaginary pundit since the 1976 presidential race when I was 6. I took an immediate and not really age appropriate interest in politics then, and I have always been that way. I abandoned the Sunday comics for the business section and editorial page. Being a media junkie at the time, growing up in the 70’s, I bought in to all that hype about global warming and overpopulation. I’ve been an avid earth watcher and I listened to the predictions. I wish our government had, but nevertheless I knew.  I started hearing and learning more about a great many things.

Ronald Reagan wearing cowboy hat at Rancho del...

The more I learned about the world around me the more I wanted to learn. I have this curse, or I guess a deficit in which I know a little about a lot. Which means I am the perfect example of why a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. At the age of 10, I was convinced Reagan would get us all killed in a nuclear showdown with The Russians.

I would smirk sarcastically at the old “duck and cover” movie bits. I knew there was no real way of surviving that way. I prided myself in my cool realism. I saw “The Day After” I knew what would happen after a nuclear attack, besides I “knew everything” at the time.

Cover of "The Day After"

The odds were grim. I prided myself on my outside show of toughness but inside I was a quivering mess. I was convinced we were all going to die in the dreaded World War Three or worse yet…survive in some radioactive post apocalyptic nightmare. I began to read the works of Nostradamus and this only confirmed my suspicions.

The more I learned the more depressed I became, until I reached a saturation point…

rose colored glasses blue-eye baby

…and life must go on and go on it did and after a number of years I found myself looking into the big beautiful blue eyes of my infant son. So loving…so trusting with such a full life ahead of him. He was depending on me and I had to get it together if only for him, and that is when I donned those rose-colored glasses. I’d be damned if I let him down. I felt I had no other choice but embrace optimism.

I will let Studs explain it…

“With optimism, you look upon the sunny side of things. People say, ‘Studs, you’re an optimist.  I never said I was an optimist. I have hope because what’s the alternative to hope? Despair? If you have despair, you might as well put your head in the oven.”
*Studs Terkel*

As time goes by I see the results of this crazy optimism and it never ceases to amaze me….it works…it really works and I am a testimony to that.

I still have my dark moods, stick around and you’ll discover this, but every black cloud that rolls around in my brooding psyche has a silver lining and it did not just happen that way.

Whenever I see that black cloud sneak up on me I face it and take out my imaginary silver pen and line it with  gusto and I’d like to think a flourish.

So, think me an unrealistic, sunny fool with an unduly cheerful, optimistic, or favorable view of things.

Strawberry Kool-Aid---OH YEAH!
OH YEAH!!!

I am doing something I never thought I’d do–I’m drinking the Kool-Aid of positive thinking; colorful and infused with a certain satisfying sugary goodness that can only come with the belief in belief and it is delicious!

Tell me the world is going to hell in a handbasket–I’ll just smile, put on my rose-colored glasses and partake of the sweet nectar.

Optimism: Drink deeply, my friends.

Strawberryindigo.

red rose

Why the world won’t end in 2012 (www.nasa.gov)

The power of positive thinking (www.naturaltherapypages.com)

How the power of positive thinking won scientific credibility (http://www.theatlantic.com)

The Answer to the Question – Is the glass half empty or half full? (pinkbananashoes.wordpress.com)

Rose Tinted Glasses (365thingstowear.wordpress.com)

THE MIDDLE

SBI at age 6

The youth gets together his materials to build a bridge to the moon, or, perchance, a palace or temple on the earth, and, at length, the middle-aged man concludes to build a woodshed with them.”
*Henry David Thoreau*

I have been finding myself slipping ever so slowly into what is commonly referred to as “middle age”  apparently halfway between birth and death. At 43 I’d like to think that I still have a few years before I officially hit that middle mark.   This middle age business can take its toll on the ego sometimes, especially at those times when I am being called “ancient” by my smartalacky teenagers. I don’t feel ancient or old at all…really.

In fact I still expect to see that smarmy teen looking back when I look into the mirror, to see traces of age where there wasn’t before, tells me time passes quickly… much too quickly.

One day I’m young and full of attitude. I am a self-proclaimed knower of all that is worth knowing..I have the world by the tail and can do no wrong…and then…

and then… I really don’t know what happened…time passes like it always does, it goes faster than you think it will…it seems to be going faster and faster and then, in what  seems like a blink of an eye….you wake up and take notice. It’s like waking up from a  dream and find you’ve been asleep for far too long.

There’s a moment that sticks in my mind; a time that time made me wake up; it was probably the first time that society sent a subtle message to me…

You are getting old, you”

I wasn’t ready to hear that…

middle acdc-music-bands-album-covers-angus-young-HD-Wallpapers

I was in the car changing radio stations like a maniac, as I do. I found a song from my youth…I think it was AC/DC’s “Back in Black”, this was a favorite of mine in earlier days: to me it symbolized youth and fun and….rebellion…..back when I was a youth full of fun and rebellion….and so I hear the song and all those feelings rushed back and it’s like it was yestersday…I am a punky 14-year-old clad in my black leather jacket and spiky hair, wearing pounds of makeup and tons of attitude….I’m right back there and it’s fun, I enjoy this…  Music does that to me. I enjoy stepping back into little pockets of my past with music…it was all good up to that point…until the end of the song when the radio station proudly proclaims itself as classic rock station…..What?!   How can that be  classic rock? I remember when that song came out….what?! Are they implying that the music of my youth is old? ….what?!….that would make me old….NOOOOOO!

(I think it was this screaming that woke me up)

That wasn’t the first time nor the last that society has tried to point out to me that I am no spring chicken anymore…this bothers me….another thing that bothers me more than anything is my generation’s acceptance of this “old” label.

It seems that a lot of people my age are in too much of a hurry to be old they do seem like a bunch of old people–I can’t help but notice this.

It is a sickness how rapidly they embrace…….eeek….Nostalga!

I hate to say it….

I do admit however it can get tough to fight off that sick and pathetic nostalgia that tries to knock on the door of my conscious mind.  I’ve seen it in others before. I watched the generation before me: The baby boomers embrace nostalgia like nobody’s business. Ka-ching Ka-ching. I enjoyed feeling smugly superior. I guess the kind of smug superiority that comes with the flush of youth and ignorance.

I’ve also watched how the boomers have looked age square in the face and said: “Not me, not yet.” I have always admired spunky older people.

I just have never seen myself as becoming one of those spunky older people…

I know I’m repeating myself when I say this, I guess old people do that, but I don’t feel old.  I do feel the privilege of experience, I remember a fair bit of history and I feel more solid and sure of myself. I am more realistic; life has stung me a few times but I appreciate a whole lot more and I’d like to think that I’m a much kinder and compassionate person in my “old age”

In fact I have never felt better. I hate to brag but I am in the best shape of my life, mentally, emotionally and physically. I feel on top of my game. I also am at a crossroads. In a sort of in-between time. I am in a state of flux and in a transition and for the first time I don’t know what I’m transitioning into. I surprise myself daily. That I am writing this amazes me…

I came across the definition of a mid-life crisis that I thought…interesting..

“A midlife crisis is experienced by many people during the midlife transition when they realize that life may be more than halfway over. Sometimes, a crisis can be triggered by transitions experienced in these years, such as andropause or menopause, the death of parents or other causes of grief, unemployment or underemployment, realizing that a job or career is hated but not knowing how else to earn an equivalent living, or children leaving home. People may reassess their achievements in terms of their dreams. The result may be a desire to make significant changes in core aspects of day-to-day life or situation, such as in career, work-life balance, marriage, romantic relationships, large expenditures, or physical appearance.”

                                                          YIKES!

THAT sounds a tad too familar…so what am I to do?
 
SBI as Punky teen

I’m gonna’ crank up that Classic Rock station, dig out my old leather jacket, put some purple dye in my hair and fight fight fight all the way baby!

-Strawberryindigo.

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Related Middle Articles

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The Middle by Jimmy Eat World (You Tube)

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Apes have midlife crises too (cbsnews.com)

Study: Hairless, Middle-Aged Apes Still Middle-Aged Apes (motherjones.com)

Suicide By Hanging/Suffocation Doubles In Middle-Aged Men And Women (medicalnewstoday.com)