Blacky Blackiness: Adventures in retail on the craziest shopping day of the year.

 

 

I sit here tap tapping on my happy laptop. Stopping occasionally to take a sip of nice strong coffee and to gaze out the window. The house is toasty warm and filled with the comforting and enticing aroma of roasting turkey and dressing and yummy apple pie.

I am content. The house is quiet for the moment, only the faint sounds of traffic outside and the occasion caw from a crow.  I am glad to be able to take advantage of this lull before “the storm”

I admit I’m a tad bit apprehensive, anyone would be in my shoes. But mostly I am excited. Not the “oh I get to go to Disneyland” kind of excited or the “ooooh I have a dove bar” sort but more of the type you get when you are about to go on a trip to someplace exotic and far away, like the Twilight Zone or Never Never Land.

My newest foray into retail has given me the opportunity to experience my first Black Friday starting Thursday evening. Instead of being a crazed shopper I will be a crazed worker; manning a cash register with a scanner and smile at the ready.  

I know what you are thinking: Does she have adequate footwear?  I’m not sure on that, but regardless I am ready. Ready to face the stampede of maniac shoppers and gawkers of all shapes and sizes. I liken this to going into battle. It will be rough. It will test me and stretch me in ways I’ve never before experienced and by the time my shift is over and it’s time to leave I will have left stronger and wiser than when I entered.

If I survive….

“OMG!!!” Cashmere-like sweaters for $1.99!

This night will separate the big girls from the little ones, the cats from the kittens and the serious hardcore bargain hunters from the mildly interested window watchers.

Have no doubt my comrades will be able to count on me to lead the charge!  I am not afraid! I will take that hill (whatever the hell that means) and I will charge up it!  Come on lads and ladies and follow me!

I expect to get a battlefield promotion on this one. The whole store will throw me a parade in which I will be the grand marshal and the president of the company will fly down from headquarters and present me with a medal for bravery and a coupon good for half off any designer fragrance.  The mayor will attend and give me the key to the city and all kinds of cool junk too.

 

Everyone will cheer and I will be a hero. Tales of my deeds will be told for a long time, days at least. In many of the departments: Menswear, shoes maybe even intimate apparel.  Oo la-la…

It is destiny my friends, there is nothing I can do to change it. You can say you knew me when.  (wink-wink)

 

 It is like I have been preparing for this my whole life…

I will say now that I have never ever attended a Black Friday or Thursday shopping holiday free-for-all mob festival. I tend to seek peace and quiet and generally shun over-the-top consumerist events with large crowds of people.   It is ironic my first exposure will be as a worker not shopper.  I am however well versed in patience and stamina. I have been a mom for almost 20 years, this gives me special powers as any mother worth her salt can attest to.   I am unflappable and unstoppable. I have a will of iron with a peaceful core as soft as a feather bed but with nerves of steel.

 H-E-L-P!!!

Who am I kidding?

I have all the exits planned out and marked in my head. I know of a supply closet I can hide in.  I’m no fool. I am bringing a thermos of coffee, ummmm Colombian…and a you guessed it, a turkey sandwich.. I will be bringing my “serenity now!” kit complete with a book of nature poetry , sandalwood incense and a portable miniature babbling brook.

Serenity now!!!

Ha-ha…really, I don’t mind working on Black Friday and Thursday too.  There are advantages to the whole thing.  It’s an adventure. I’m a writer and I need to do that sort of thing, seldom does adventure come to me. I will have lots to write about after this. Expect the book, then soon after the screenplay.

Instead of spending money I don’t have I will be making money I can spend later on frivolities like food and fun stuff like mortgage payments and utility bills.  Most importantly this gives me the excuse to have Thanksgiving dinner a day early with my wonderful family in our warm home with turkey and stuffing and pie and everything else. We will all be together spending a glorious and very meaningful day creating new memories and savoring the old ones. We will be thankful for all of this and what does it matter what the calendar says?

Yummy…yum, yum I’m starving...

So if I see you out there among the throng of shoppers wave a hello across the crowd, maybe we can exchange wisecracks or share a supply closet during a stampede. Just be sure to bring your visa card or at least a warm up on that coffee and if I don’t see you before the holiday…

Have a wonderful,  meaningful and blessed Thanksgiving.

♥

Nancy

 

 

Alice’s Restaurant – Original 1967 Recording ( A Thanksgiving tradition in certain circles)

 

The Worst Black Friday Disasters