and others which lie in the dark, cold and unforgiving.
They belong solely to myself
I cannot go back
We are made up of what we do
and this is what makes us who we are.
Some of us wear down paths consisting of varying degrees of unease
watching and waiting for that something that never happens…
This way is littered with occasions to lend my heart out
they fall to the forest floor like leaves in the autumn
and sound crunchy under my boots.
I feel for something I think I’ve lost.
And I think I’ve left something unsaid.
I cannot seem quite to remember
Time flows ahead…I can’t go back
no matter, no matter
I tell myself
The way is winding
and we may find ourselves
at one end only to begin again.
Coming in and out like the tides.
A new river to step into.
A new stream to cross.
Urging me on to the next and the next and the next.
Life is an opportunity, benefit from it. Life is beauty, admire it. Life is a dream, realize it. Life is a challenge, meet it. Life is a duty, complete it. Life is a game, play it. Life is a promise, fulfill it. Life is sorrow, overcome it. Life is a song, sing it. Life is a struggle, accept it. Life is a tragedy, confront it. Life is an adventure, dare it. Life is luck, make it. Life is too precious, do not destroy it. Life is life, fight for it.
And so here I am hearing someone tell my 15 year old daughter that she is too old for trick or treating…imagine…the horror…how could any poor deluded and dour person say THAT to my sweet and fantastic daughter? The shocking thing was that the misguided person was me! Of all people….
It is a good thing that my daughter is wise beyond her years. She informed me in no uncertain terms that no one is too old for trick or treating and suggested the both of us venture out together. Truth be told, she was only in it for the candy, but despite what I said in a previous post my real motivation was the opportunity to dress up like an idiot. (That probably comes as no surprise.)
So what the hell? I decide to dress up!
I found the wings I wanted but the purple wig from years past was mangled beyond repair. I decided to ditch the butterfly fairy idea and luckily I come across a pair of cute cat ears and a furry tail–A-ha! How fitting…
The more I think of it, the more I think dressing up is a stellar idea! Halloween has always been my favorite holiday and I will never again be as young as I am now….life is a gift meant to be enjoyed and if this is my personal idea of enjoyment why not?!
I spent the entire day dressed as a vampy black cat and had a blast!
Halloween is a fun day. It is the epitome of sweetness and light whimsy with dark twists of wry.
And dressing up like an idiot is fun, it makes normal everyday boring stuff like going to the grocery store to get more candy because the mice ate it even more fun than it already would be!
Sure I got a few stares in the produce section; who doesn’t when they are dressed like a cat? I amused myself in the seafood section pawing at the poor Lobsters. I regret I do not have any pictures of this adventure but my camera was charging at the time. Here is a pic from a previous visit –(Oh how I yearn to free these guys!)
It was all good until I got my long black tail stuck in the ice cream case and then I almost fell when my too-high high heels skidded on the glossy brightly lit floor. The not falling part made it all so much more fun but I do have to say that picking up that extra bag of Reese’s peanut butter cups was the very best part.
This all prepared me for the main event hours later. I let my daughter take the lead; her fluffy black tail swishing and swaying. She is dressed in Modern American Teen Zebra. She has even come up with a sort of accent for the night; Italian-Irish she calls it and proceeds to use it on everyone she meets. She is an original and has a flair for the dramatic–I wonder where she gets that?
We spent over an hour, going from house to house in the neighborhood, chatting and laughing, shuffling our feet in the October leaves and having a grand time. I kept in the background as always, waiting at the bottom of the stairs, happy just to be able to dress up like a cat and walk around the neighborhood with my daughter on a warmish autumn evening.
Ironically it was the house with the cat in the window that was the first. The cat was a fluffy orange affair that regarded us coolly as we approached. I stood in the back near a bush. My daughter let out with her spiel, the lady who belonged to the cat and who held the candy bowl squinted into the darkness and spied me. “I’m too old for treat or treating!” I said before she could say anything.
“Nonsense.” she replied with a playful smile. I shot a smile back and went up the stairs and upon arrival was instantly handed a Snickers bar. A full-sized one…wow! What a feeling! It was happy little shot of chocolate goodwill and generosity. I was grateful and thanked her and we went on our way. I put the bar into my pocket and felt a warm glow in my heart.
Two more times this played out; the third time it was my daughter who prompted the person, a guy dressed as a cowboy to dole out a treat to me after she pointed me out matter-of-factly; “That is my mom and she thinks she is too old for trick or treating.” That “confession” landed me a full-sized Kit Kat.
I think we we’re onto something!
These moments get me thinking…
Life is made up of moments–these moments come at us in their own time, in their own way. Life is too short to get hung up on what we think we cannot do. Cannots waste time.
I am losing this stupid fear of looking foolish in public. “Oh who cares!” I say. I am taking advantage of moments such as these while I can still get them. It seems like only yesterday I was holding her tiny hand taking her out in the dark on such a night as this…..there are only so many Halloweens–you only get so many.
She is taller than me now. And this is her last night of being 15. She is in high school and has a boyfriend but for some reason she wants to spent Halloween night scoring candy with her mom. I would have been a fool not to take advantage of this.
I stayed in my catsuit for the rest of the night eating chocolate, sipping hot coffee…and planning for next year…
Have a good one
NOTE: My thanks to Juan for the mice eating the candy idea. Worked like a charm!
We are beholden to time. It gives whatever fate has determined for us to be a fair measure. It is always there. It is quiet. It sits like a spider in its web, waiting in a seldom used corner of a dark room…
It can be patient, this time. At other times, it is as quick as lightning. It can be a soft trickle of water that slowly cuts through rock and stone or the tidal rush of mad ocean that can fill a mighty canyon in minutes.
I see the lines that time has left in my face; places where smiles have once been, crinkles around my eyes, the inevitable forehead furrow that comes from deep thinking. I suppose I have earned these, although knowing that doesn’t take away the feeling I get. It still surprises me when I look into the mirror and a 40-year-old looks back at me when when I still expect that 20-year-old to. I look like me but different. I know a hell of a lot more than the 20-year-old did. The sparkle in my eyes are the same–maybe even brighter than when I was younger. I have found one doesn’t have to be under 30 to have a spring in one’s step.
I have been on this planet long enough to witness some time pass. One can see a lot in 44 years of life. It is not nearly enough in my opinion. To me it seems my life is just beginning. There is so much to do, to experience. I think I am finally starting to catch on.
And while one is figuring it all out..it just sits there dispassionately and ticks.
Ouch. You can’t reason with time. You can’t sweet talk it. It is incorruptible. It stands firm, no negotiating. It goes on and that is that…
…and it demands we deal with our own mortality. Damn that time.
A human lifetime is but a mere blink compared to the age of this planet…or age of the universe for that matter. To think in those spans of time requires one to walk among cold things, unblinking things…things we will never know or understand.
Even I don’t want to know everything.
It is much better to feel everything. Experience everything we can. Every single damn moment can be an eternity if we enjoy it enough.
And I am off to enjoy those moments…
and savor them slowly.
Like a warm cup of dark coffee on a hopeful sunlit morning
smooth and rich, uplifting…happy.
enjoying each moment fully and then letting go.
Moments like chocolate and hazelnuts
Sweet and inviting. ..alive
Wishing you happiness my friends,
“Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin.”