And so I have this blog…

 

And so I have this blog..

 

…well I used to have one. I  mean I used to write one, quite regularly; at least twice a week. I wrote over 200 posts, most of them fairly long. They are on an array of subjects, some of them are okay, some kinda good.

It was a labor of love really. I poured my heart out loud into the universe. I expressed myself.  I made friends from all over the world I would chat with.  I had fun and I also had lots of time on my hands, much more than I do now.

Time, that awful excuse. I doubt I lack talent, It is in there somewhere. And I do have something to say and a orgasmictorium of stories inside my crazy brain. I can blame the lack of time or place but it is I who makes my own circumstance. Time ticks away, yes that damn time always ticking in the background.

No one lives forever…even childlike creatures such as myself…

I know I must make it a priority.

And thinking,,,pondering.  THAT is essential!

One of the problems with this society is that not enough thought is given, we are all much too busy wrapped up in “the drudgery of everyday existence and all that” I like many of you wonder what is the point?

Hard not to.  I sit here on a rare silent Saturday. It is early morning. The sun is streaming through the window and I am on floor, sitting with my trusty white laptop. It has seen “better” days,  I suppose.  The O and L keys are completely worn away along with the I. Half the E is gone and the N is on the verge of disappearing altogether. To add the that the seven is coming off and it is filled with about 5 years of memories, pieces of my life encased in pixels. If anything such as this could hold a part of a person, this computer contains a part of me.

I have changed over the years.  I have gone beyond my comfort zone, I have outed and declared myself and have freed myself from much which did not serve me. I have busted out of my shell and I am ready to contribute more. I have learned some lessons as I continue to do. This late bloomer is still blooming

Just one more thing, the writing part..

 

My ex boyfriend/partner, the man I lived with for 17 years (also known as MM to those who have been around for a while) said that my problem was that I wrote too much about myself. He told me a lot of things, much I believed, much I now know was wrong.

I told him there are a million writers in the world, all with something to say. I am a mere drop in the bucket, a soul pouring myself out into a silent universe…but I am unique. just like everyone of us. There is only one me, whatever that means. The best thing I can write is what comes from my heart, from my soul and that is what I must do. I cannot do any less.

I happen to know more about myself than anything or anyone. But I also know that I am not the only one who feels the way I do. Others can and do relate. We are all connected even we we are apart.

and so…MM is in the old house with the cats. I am here with my new cat and new love. A lot has changed in the past year, but not my desire to write and as always I lament my lack of writing time as I pound these white fading keys…

Let’s see what I can come up with.

Thanks for stopping by. This blog is NOT completely dead.

~nlm

 

 

 

Totally “unrelated” stuff I put in for the hell of it. 

BoB Marley-Sun is shining

 

 

Traits of an Empath. (Elephantjournal.com)

 

The New Kitty

MOCHA!!

Look for new stories featuring his antics!!

 

MOCHA CAT #mochacat

 

 

 

 

Happily Ever After

 

 

The wilds touch my back door. A part of them does anyway. Strangeish insects and unfamiliar Corvids enliven the “wilds”of my new backyard.  Tall skinny Evergreens surrounded by persistent English ivy. Small deciduous trees that await new spring leaves dot the landscape accented by bright green moss providing splashes of color that reminds me that spring really truly here.

A tiny brook babbles on by fifteen feet below. I can hear frogs in the morning and the friendly neighbor’s cat comes to greet me in the bright but cool sunshine. I am beginning to attune to my new atmosphere.

It is different here but I find much beauty in this newness.

I am now an apartment dweller. My big yard has been replaced by this woodsy spot with two cement slabs and the before-mentioned surrounding moss which will now serve as my garden area. I have three large pots, empty for now. I will certainly get more. Out of the thousands of plants in my old yard I brought only one; the meadow rue. It lies dormant under the soil in an indigo planter awaiting warmer weather.  It wasn’t a choice I wanted to make but in order to make a new life for oneself one must put aside the old.

I have done a lot of that lately; setting aside.

After a 17 year relationship I parted ways with someone who wasn’t good for me. My trusting nature and naivety paired with my wholehearted belief in redemption kept this damaging storm rolling much too long despite the, obvious to others, unhappiness it was bringing me. When living inside the eye of the hurricane; the epicenter of emotional and psychological abuse, you can’t see how bad it really is. Over time the abnormal can become the normal.

And a deep sadness can embed itself in you and you don’t realize how awful it really is in part because if you stop and do this it will break your heart and maybe you can’t go on. And so I put what I thought was a convincing happy face to the word and went on. Inside a hole grew and grew and in time, by the end of those 17 years, it was a giant gaping hole…a chunk torn out of me and beat to hell.

My yard which was in it’s entirety what I deemed my salvation would have to be left behind. My  cats too. Spotsy and my Mario would stay with the house and the yard and it’s owner. I left with my two kids ( 18 and 21 ) to go live in an apartment across town. A new place of sanctuary. A place of  freedom with my name on the lease.

It’s different but it is becoming home. Home is really in the people you are with not the place anyway.

I was fortunate to meet someone at work. An amazing person I knew that I knew the instant we met. I have been having the pleasure of getting to know him ever since. We all live together in this apartment that skirts the edge of this thin strip of urban woods.

There is a freeway that lies beyond it. I can hear the traffic, its steady hum sounds like the ocean to me, it is easy to drift to sleep to.

I feel free and happy and loved. I feel confident and hopeful, more than ever.

The hole in my soul is filled, love pours out and spills out into the world. I am grateful. I thank God everyday. I am blessed beyond measure. I have the opportunity to start anew and this I will do, This I am doing.

 

Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.

Winston Churchill

~nlm

George Harrison – What Is Life

The Way

The way is winding

it’s direction uncertain

I am on a path meant only for me

and the trick is to know

the way.

Every step is a moment that passes by

the moments that make up my life.

There are triumphant ones in the sun

There are humble and joyous moments

and others which lie in the dark, cold and unforgiving.

They belong solely to myself

I cannot go back

We are made up of what we do

and this is what makes us who we are.

Some of us wear down paths consisting of varying degrees of unease

watching and waiting for that something that never happens…

This way is littered with occasions to lend my heart out

they fall to the forest floor like leaves in the autumn

and sound crunchy under my boots.

 I feel for something I think I’ve lost.

And I think I’ve left something unsaid.

I cannot seem quite to remember

Time flows ahead…I can’t go back

no matter, no matter

I tell myself

The way is winding

and we may find ourselves

at one end only to begin again.

Coming in and out like the tides.

A new river to step into.

A new stream to cross.

Urging me on to the next and the next and the next.

 

~NLM

 

 

Life is an opportunity, benefit from it. Life is beauty, admire it. Life is a dream, realize it. Life is a challenge, meet it. Life is a duty, complete it. Life is a game, play it. Life is a promise, fulfill it. Life is sorrow, overcome it. Life is a song, sing it. Life is a struggle, accept it. Life is a tragedy, confront it. Life is an adventure, dare it. Life is luck, make it. Life is too precious, do not destroy it. Life is life, fight for it.

~Mother Teresa

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Led Zeppelin – That’s The Way

Mt. Ranier. Washington State, USA.

 

Sunrise to Sunrise

 

 

 

 

And the next morning, when I wake up, I am reborn.”
~Mahatma Gandhi

 

Each day is a new beginning, a chance to begin again. We shed the confining skin of yesterdays troubles, concerns and “mistakes” and emerge anew full of life and with the vitality of hope and exuberance, at least I hope so. At least that is what I tell myself at 7:15 a.m. while on my way to my newest adventure.

My year and a half long foray into retail at a well known-they-have-a-parade big chain department store has ended and I am stepping right inside another and very different job with just one day in between.  It was an easy decision to make.  I am getting more hours at more pay with less work.   It was sad to leave nonetheless.  I have met so many wonderful and amazing people there and that is what makes a place; the people I work with. I also liked the quick pace and flurry of activity, and although I excelled at that job and felt comfortable there, my dissatisfaction with a lack of opportunity has made me seek it elsewhere.

 

It’s scary to go out of one’s comfort zone as I am doing it once again. I was just settling in which I found myself jumping.  Truth be told I do feel like I need to make up for lost time, which at 46 I really do.  I have been feeling more outgoing and confident in the last year and this has prompted an ambition in me which I didn’t know I possessed and this has surprised me.

 It seems everything is beginning to come together and it feels great.

 

These thoughts race through my mind as we turn the corner and the mountain comes into view.  MM is so correct when he told me about the sunrises here.  The morning sky is a vibrant purple erupting with  brilliant tangerine. Wow! It is an almost surreal scene and it lends an air of excitement to the morning I didn’t expect…like I needed more excitement on my first day. I choose to see it as a good sign and MM sees at as a sign that he should pull over because I will want to snap some shots and he is so right again.

 

I am not the only person compelled to stop and take a pic. (haha)

I marvel at the way life can abruptly change; just like that.  One day  you wake up to one reality and then the next day you can be living an entirely new one.  Each day has it’s own distinct sunrise, it’s own set of challenges and moments of serendipity. Some days are so bloody fantastic that you have to pinch yourself just to make sure you aren’t dreaming. While others are more akin to nightmares. Most days fall someplace in between.  Every day memories are being created and etched into our minds, memories that make us who we are and what we will be.  There are days that can break us but these are the days that can make us stronger. Every day is a risk. To leave your house is a risk, to never leave is one also. The uncertain is fraught with perceived risk. Whether this is entirely justified is unclear to me.

Taking on a new job is a risk. To go out of one’s comfort zone and try anything new takes a fair amount of courage.  I will confess I am a bit nervous on my first day but the sky invigorates me.   I  take it all in. My heart pounds, my pulse races. I feel so alive! A warm surge of excitement fills and tickles my every molecule. I’m living in the moment from sunrise to sunrise, one step leads to the next and I take it all in like I do the sky; my  life, the new people that I meet. This is scary but it is good…

And now two weeks have passed…

I have good days. I have had not so good ones. All in all it’s been a positive experience. I now work in an office out by the airport that has big windows so I can always see the sky. I keep regular hours and have weekends to spend with my family. During lunch I go for “nature” walks. So far I have seen a fox and a bumblebee and numerous birds.  Spring will soon be here. I can feel it. I can see it in the tiny crocus erupting from the ground in my backyard, I can hear it in the song of the birds in the morning and I can see it in the glorious sunrise I see in the morning.  I am happy and content.  Life is good and it’s getting better all the time.

 

~NLM

A sampling of the beauty I am fortunate to witness . My cheap little camera does not do it justice…

Norah Jones-Sunrise

 

TIME LAPSE :: Beautiful Ocean Sunrises & Sunsets

ESCAPE

 

 To all writers, bloggers, artists and creative types:

Do you ever yearn to get away from it all? Do you have a yen for some nice quiet time to create, contemplate the universe or just be?  Do you crave simplicity; an out from the unnecessary complexities of the modern world?  Do you need more free time to explore the possibilities? Do you feel as if you are you living up to your full creative potential?

Do you feel the aching desire to just escape and never look back?

Real life sure gets in the way of being a sensitive artist…

And so here I am. It is around 7 am. I have gotten up early before work to write for an hour; just sit and let the universe dictate my hand so to speak. I quiet my mind and allow the flow to manifest. The words fill my brain and I just record them. It usually doesn’t take much and my mind and fingers are going at full speed. I am in my own little world; a very happy little world where I am content and then it happens…

…it is always something. The kind of something that go with life typical of a busy working mom living in an interesting neighborhood in one of the weirdest cities in America;  some minor “crisis, malady or goings on. I try to take this all in stride and most of the time I can keep the flow going.  I have amazing powers of concentration…haha.  It gets out of hand when Mario, my famous but pesky cat, decides to jump up and sit on the keyboard in an effort to get my attention, he does, then sneezes all over. (he’s a sneezer that one)

I gaze out the window…my imagination travels to far and distant places…ahhhh….a misty mountain forest, a beach, a villa, a tropical retreat perhaps. I am not picky on this.  A  nice atmosphere is just that; nice.  At this point I’d take a room at fairly decent hotel with excellent room service…haha, really…okay a budget hotel on the coast, a pot of strong coffee, a sandwich….and peace and quiet, maybe the roar of the sea and the gurgling of the ice machine outside the door….

 Ohhhh how delightful…

I am an introvert although I play an extrovert on the screen and I am solitary by nature. I do like people, as a whole and individually, some more than others. I wouldn’t be able to live alone but sometimes I yearn for a little solitude.  Just gimme some peace…no distractions…just nature…

Being on the spectrum doesn’t help. I am sensitive to sounds. That above all else impairs me. Sounds seem amplified, some more than others. I have sensitive hearing and I can get distracted by noises. It is like my mind is in tune to a dozen or so radio stations at once. I can live in harmony with this. My mind is active.  I like to think. I like to create.   Real life is louder–much louder. It is difficult to explain but it becomes harder and harder to endure until it becomes too much and I get an overwhelming urge to bolt.

I have to get away. I yearn to flee but unfortunately real life doesn’t allow for that…

I would love nothing more than to be holed up in a nice and comfortable cabin in the woods.

I would love to not count the seconds as I contemplate the mysteries of the universe or the colorful hues of a symphony. The cabin would be well supplied with piles of books, spiral notebooks and bars of dark chocolate. I would lock myself away for a month or a few and emerge from this cocoon anew or at least with something to show for it. I would eat healthy, honest and pure food, drink lots of good coffee, keep strange hours and write to my hearts content.

Every day I would walk in the woods and at night I would admire the blackness of the sky and the brightness of the stars. I would have the time to explore my other creative sides besides writing which there are many.

I would paint the trees and the stars and the essence of hope. I would lie in soft green moss and dream the dreams of the enlightened. I would run and swim in a serene lake and hike into the hills. The only sound I would hear would be nature’s music. The crickets at evening and the breeze through the leaves of the trees, the rush of the wild river and the songs of the birds in all their varied loveliness….

From all that yumminess I would emerge renewed and bursting with creative juices. Like a happy Jelly doughnut.

Alas my dream must be put on hold . The practicalities of my life do not allow for any of this getting away from it all and I must deal with real life for now….but  it is nice having a vivid imagination and this will suffice for the time being.  Perhaps I can achieve that Happy Jelly Doughnut effect with that alone. Time will tell…

  Not having all the answers  but being fine with that right now.

~NLM

Dig it

 

 

The day smells fresh and new. It is sunny and warm for mid February and I have already stripped off my coat and sweater and I’m down to my Captain America T-Shirt.  The wind is brisk and invigorating. It drowns out the sound of all else.  I am working in the garden for the first time this year; turning the dirt over in what was and will be again  my vegetable patch.

This is got to be one of my most favorite activities; digging in the dirt out in the sun on a lovely day such as this. I am grinning like an idiot. I can’t help it.

 

 

This feels so right. so symbolic. If I could create my own start of the new year it would be right now; the time that I first turn the dirt over. It is so hopeful; this whole thing. As I dig my mind drifts along so peacefully, so merrily. My thoughts wander to and fro, from this to that in a steady stream of thoughts that lead to a big quiet pool of lucid nothingness. I float there, mindlessly…mindfully.  I feel connected to everything and all seems right with the world.  I feel more myself than I have all winter. I have missed this I think, more than I first realized.

It has been an unusual winter. It’s been one of major growth for me. I am still working at my “seasonal”retail job. They have yet to kick me out. Who knows? I may stay awhile. Never before have I been so confident in myself.  I am a happy, confident, positive, bright and beaming person and it has taken my whole life to get this way.  I feel blessed to have a family that loves me and a roof over my head and a garden to work in.

I feel like I’m standing on the precipice of something wonderful; a something not far beyond my grasp and if I just reach and stretch a little more, I’ll get there.

♥

~Nancy

 

 “Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead.”
― Louisa May Alcott

 

 

The Beatles – Dig A Pony

 

YOU are not alone and neither am I

 

I have wasted too much of my life being afraid. Afraid of sharing my unique self with the world. Keeping my little jokes to myself for fear of someone not getting them, not getting me. Afraid to speak up, afraid to say anything at all. I blended into the background as best as I could. Trying not to be “discovered”.

I kept in my own little world for fear of living in the real world. And that is what that fear was doing to me; it was preventing me from living at all. I responded to events, I never initiated them. I never tried my best at anything for fear that my best wasn’t good enough.

Fear is isolating. It self perpetuates; feeding on doubts and insecurities. My fear kept me away from people, from getting to know anyone. Even my own family. I would don a placid and vaguely pleasant mask that I wore for the social events I couldn’t get out of.  I was labeled shy and thus ignored, and I liked that for a time… but as my life passed and I found it more and more difficult to convince myself that I enjoyed being alone in a crowd; never sharing my thoughts, my hopes, my dreams, my opinions. It never occurred to me that others could feel the same. I think loneliness has a way of making one think they are the only person in the world who has ever felt the way they do.

Perhaps it was my loneliness which caused to to reach out.  I have discovered that loneliness is quite common, many of us are lonely. Some hide it well but it shows in the eyes. It shows in the constant seeking some people do; the restlessness, the looking for that something they can’t seem to find.

I have found that something and that is this glorious truth;  by reaching out to others, others reach out to you too. I have been encountering such beautiful souls…wonderful people who shine like the sun. Some of them don’t think they shine at all but they do and that light warms us all in this cold world.

We need more of this. This world is dark and cold and we need those special people out there, the quiet ones out there in the shadows, hiding…waiting perhaps for someone to notice them and beckon them out into the light. I understand you. I am one of you and you are not alone.

 

Part of me wants to shout out from the rooftops: I am here!  I exist!  I yearn to make a difference in the world!

(Another part of me wants to run and hide and blend into the background.)

This time I won’t allow it.  I will wear my heart on my sleeve and I won’t give a damn what some may think or say. I won’t let fear run my life, rule me. I won’t be afraid of opening my heart, my mind, of freeing my soul to something wonderful that I cannot yet see. I will free myself from fear…those of you who fear like me, you can too…

You can. Take my hand… We can come out into the light together and together we shine like a million suns…

 

 

❤ Thanks for being there and listening. Thanks for reading my blog and for commenting. Thanks for accepting me as I am. My confidence grows daily.  It is through my writing and because of it that I can come out into the light and be the person I’m meant to be.  

 

~Nancy

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The Beatles – Eleanor Rigby

Hopped Up on Writing

I have been invited by my good blogging buddy Cathy to participate in something called a blog hop. At first I thought it was some sort of dance. I have since learned it involves answering some tough hard-hitting questions about writing in a thoughtful, and meaningful way and then passing on the challenge…I mean “invitation” to the next worthy writer who I assume will hop his or her on way to the next contestant.   The topic is “Why I write”

Cathy is one of my most favorite people in the entire blogosphere. I have been following her since the beginning.  She writes in such a way that conveys friendliness and warmth.  Her site is beautiful. Her photos are lovely and her recipes are yummy.  I wished she didn’t live so far away because I would love to visit her. Besides having a great blog she is such a great person.

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So hop on by to  Words and Herbs and visit Cathy and you will see why I like her so much.

Also see how Cathy answered her questions: Blog Hopping: Why I Write

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Before I get started with my questions I would like to introduce you to Steven Webb. He writes a wonderful blog called The Moving Road. Steven is a wonderful heartfelt writer who has a powerful message of encouragement all his own.  I believe he and I share a concern for others and a yearning to inspire people and say “Yes you can!”  You can also find Steven on Twitter and Facebook.  Go to his site and check him out and find out just how multi talented he is.   Once he answers the five questions and publishes his post I will put a link to it HERE.

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I blog and tweet about the good stuff, helping people see things differently and overcome their own adversity. Join me on this journey” – Steven Webb

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And the funny thing is…

It just so happens that I had just finished being interviewed by Oprah for her magazine. Funny enough she asked me these very same questions (AMAZING!  I know) and so out of the kindness of her heart and she is kind that Oprah. She has allowed me to feature the interview in its entirety for you here today.

That sounds far fetched. Are you making this up girl?

The Five Questions

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What am  I working on?  Besides the zillion and one drafts in my inbox?  My crazy mind has now engaged itself in the production of a feature length extravaganza in the form of a real life book. (yay!)  An escapist fantasy adventure that is now unfolding itself in bits and pieces into my eclectic imagination. The more I think of it the more it becomes real. At this point it’s practically creating itself; I close my eyes and watch it form.  I have pretty much erected the framework and now I need to fill in the details–the more I write  the more it needs to be written and the more I need to write it.

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How does my writing differ from others in it’s genre?  

I don’t have a genre at all in that I probably differ from most writers. Of the two hundred plus blog posts I have written no two are quite the same. I flutter and flitter around subjects and genres, styles and moods. Words are my paints in every glorious color of the rainbow, my brush slides and glides across the canvas,  and from it springs wide landscapes and broad vistas, from the tiny and seemingly insignificant to the giant elephant in the room. I try to capture that all-elusive truth with honest humor and silliness tinged with an underlying something that sneaks up and causes the reader to think or feel. That is what I aim to do anyway. I believe that any writer who wants to engage the reader must write from the bottom of their heart and the deepest reaches of their soul. Never hold back your truth.

Write what you LOVE, what you care about.

I write what’s in my heart, what I care about. I write whatever is floating around in my silly imagination.  Slivers and shards of life maneuver and twist themselves into my writing. I wear my heart on my sleeve and on my blog as well.

The thinking of deep thoughts

How does my writing process work? Most of it is spent thinking and not writing at all.  Ideas form in my mind and emotions swirl around them. I take notes in one or more of the very many spiral notebooks I have littered all over.  From that I will compose on the computer allowing the words to come out. If I have the luxury of peace and quiet the words usually just flow out like water. It is at times the easiest thing in the world for me to do.  I wish life were that easy…(sigh)
From there I edit it and tighten it up, smooth it out.  MM helps with the punctuation, which I am lousy at. He encourages me to tighten up my long winded run-on sentences which I sometimes do. Then I publish it and forget all about it…then it’s on to the next one!

Of course the book will be different. Much more rewrite and polish. And the publishing part will be more involved than simply clicking “publish”. I’m going to take what I do best and work with what I have and that’s all any of us can do.

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I’d write anyway. Even if there was no one to read it. That is how nuts I am.

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Have a great day and remember to visit my friends Cathy and Steven.

♥ Nancy

 

Cozy

The hard rain pelts the street like soft bullets that echo off the pavement. The wind howls and shakes the windows with impatient fury.  The gutters have overflown, clogged with wet leaves and rivers have formed that rush past the house and down the block to who knows where.

We in in the midst of a mighty storm. It is the edge of a typhoon and it sure feels like it. Outside the weather rages but inside we are safe and dry; cozy in our little red house with the little white door.  Mario the cat sits in a cardboard box, one he has claimed as his own. His ears are up and his eyes alert. I hear my daughter’s lovely little laugh in the next room and I smile.

MM is watching the news in yet another room. I can hear the newscasters excited voice. I am in the dining room writing down my thoughts as the chicken sits soaking in it’s teriyaki marinade.

I listen to the sound of the rain mixed with the radio in the kitchen; Riders On The Storm by The Doors. Oh how apropos. The evening is bathed in a certain coziness reserved for stormy nights such as this. It is good to be here in our happy little home.

Earlier today I dug out my sweaters and changed the sheets to flannel in anticipation of the changeover from warm to cold. I suppose I am jumping the gun but it just seems so right. We went shopping earlier and have stocked the cupboards and fridge with good and healthy food; stopping along the way by the farmer’s market in the rain for a bag full of yummy organic veggies seemed like the right thing to do.

It is the perfect night for a colorful stir fry accompanied by rice and freshly baked bread. A container of chocolate fudge ice cream awaits in the freezer. It calls to me: “Nancy remember me after dinner.”  It’s cute little chocolaty voice is temporarily obscured by the nagging voice of the fridge saying;  “Clean me you silly woman!” I ignore this and answer back to the ice cream: “I could never forget you.”

Besides the ice cream for desert, another round of Star Trek episodes in on tap for later. We have gotten a box set of the third season at the library and I am looking forward to watching it. There is a comfort to watching old beloved shows from my childhood and this classic Science Fiction is on top of my list of favorites.

There is something to be said for cozy comfort and the love of family…ah the joys of domestic bliss!

♥

Strawberryindigo.

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“For after all, the best thing one can do when it is raining is let it rain.” 

― Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

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Riders on the Storm  (YouTube)

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Rain (challengeschanges.wordpress.com)

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Doors Keyboardist Ray Manzarek (1939-2013) Tells the Story of the Classic Song, ‘Riders on the Storm’ (psychedelichippiefashion.blogspot.com)

The day that was never supposed to be

Sunlit Japanese Maple at my front door Credit SBI

Today is the day that was never supposed to be. It is a day where I am not where I am supposed to be and neither is MM. No, today we are not where we are supposed to be at all. Today we are thumbing our noses at convention and “the man”. We are sticking up for our rights to have a wee bit of control over our own lives. Today we made a choice. It was a collective one and one that  we did not enter into frivolously or without careful consideration. Today MM and I took a voluntary day off from work…gasp. How irresponsible and perhaps somewhat stupid to confess here for the “world’ to see. As if the powers that be have time to read my blog…haha.

More than likely whatever I say here won’t get farther than you and I. What is there to say? well….I am enjoying the hell out of myself.

I’m calling this day The Day That Was Never Meant To Be and I am determined to make this day count! I want this decision to stay home today and get a much-needed break from the daily grind that is grounding me down to be one of the smartest things I’ve ever done.

I awoke at the usual much too early…the still sleeping part of my brain was  able to persuade the only half asleep side of my brain that “runs” things, that today, a day off  was essential to my  physical and mental well-being  and life in general would be better for me and my family if I spent the day on life enhancing activities of the domestic variety.

We started our day off with a large cup of hot coffee; dark and satisfying. We giggled like school kids we talked of our daring defection and just how nice it was to relax. We lay in bed sipping coffee and enjoying the early morning sun streaming in the windows.

Here comes the Sun. credit SBI

I took out the camera and took some experimental happy shots around the house. This is my idea of fun.  The early morning sun makes for excellent ethereal pictures.  The birds were in the spirit singing their bestest which may have drawn the neighbors cats who paid a visit from up atop the fence.

I decided to do some barefoot gardening. Nothing strenuous; weeding, seeding and a bit of this and a bit of that.   The bees were going full buzz and I spent several minutes enjoying and admiring them before I returned to “work”

Scarlet Lily. credit: SBI

MM the dear and wonderful person,  did the dishes as has become his custom since I started my current job. He is a dedicated and special man who doesn’t get the recognition he deserves.  Thanks to his industry, the kitchen was spotless before we went out “exploring” which sounds exciting but really just involved  visiting an exotic place called the grocery store for a bag of Friskies and some grape soda before sneaking into a well-known fast food  joint that I never eat at for some inexpensive and satisfying coffee, yes the coffee is Ok in a pinch)

After the mid afternoon pick me up, I was back at it full steam and the rest of the day played itself out gloriously. Tasks that would have stricken me as mundane just a few scant months ago delighted me in their comfortable simplicity from one thing to the next, leading to a delicious cashew chicken dinner at home . We watched a  Classic Star Trek rerun. It was like seeing an old and dear friend you haven’t seen for a long time. I polished my nails (sparkly blue) and indulged in a big bowl of ice cream (Chocolate Brownie Thunder, YES!)

Credit: Public domain

We snuggled under the covers, Me, a good book and MM. It was an excellent day. It was just what I needed…

Am I glad I did it? Yes! Am I making excuses? Sure. But I must say this unexpected break from the daily grind let me have a chance to look at my situation with perspective.; my much too long commute is wearing thin on me. I am not a quitter but I am rational and can see my current lifestyle is unsustainable. So I did one more thing today; I revamped my resume, added some color and worked on some cover letters…who knows… I may be ready for a jump. Wish me luck!

Columbine, phlox and Johnny jump ups. Credit SBI

By the way, does anyone want to hire a tired and starving writer? I’m right here!

Have a good one.

Strawberryindigo.

😀

“The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails.”
―     William Arthur Ward

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Hiatus

There have been some rumors going around about my strange and sudden disappearance from the blogoverse at large. Wild theories and stories have been bandied about  the reason(s) for my abrupt departure.  I need to quell the rumors and set the record straight. No, I have NOT been sunning myself on the beaches of the French Riviera with George Clooney. I know this has been written up as fact by some disreputable newspapers but this is not true.

Nor are the rumors true about me visiting The International Space Station, despite their desperate pleas, I don’t plan on making a visit anytime soon.

I have been vacationing however…an inevitable sort of vacation that seeps in when someone, such as myself, saturates themselves too thoroughly into something, even if this something is something they love….which for me is writing and thinking, neither of which I’ve been doing too much of lately.

It’s a mood and a  plan of inaction; partially encouraged by little free time but mostly by a need to take it all in for a while and not think too much about it.

It’s good to get away from oneself at times, at least for me….or at least from my mind, which is usually running like mad with this and that. It is a natural part of my personality which most of the time I enjoy but it can lead to burnout which leads to a case of the nothings; this has rendered me temporality dull and dimwitted.

…and I’m temporarily enjoying it.

It could be the heat. My town of Portland has been sweltering in the summer sun, it is July after all.  I have been enjoying some time outdoors when I’ve been able. My time has been limited for gardening and my garden has grown wild with my abandon. Nature is damn amazing. It never lets up. The grass keeps growing and the weeds keep popping up but my half-neglected tomato plants are thriving; one has the fun and fitting name of “Old German”  and its the biggest tomato plant I’ve ever had.   I picked up the old German when it was just a wee German at the farmers market a while back. It is an Amish favorite and I am looking forward to partaking in some tomaty goodness later in the summer.   Everything in its own time….right!

Write?

and so…as the little voice in my head that tells what to write has been silent so have I…

I started this blog almost two years ago. During that time, this has jabbered on and on, a narrative that speaks to me in my own voice. It is smooth and articulate and it is a fast talker, nothing like me in real life.   It has clamored on and on, never running out of things to say and then well, it became sort of preachy, edging on the bitchy and then just kinda petered out  to dead silence.

…as strange as it sounds that is what’s going on, but hey, I’m getting a lot of reading done; tackling such

fascinating subjects as

the brain, innovation and anthropology but also books with names like Quantum Physics for Poets and Mycelium Running and so

my head hasn’t been

completely empty….I guess I’ve been taking some time to take it all in for a while….

.

..but the writing urge is creeping in again……I’m BAAACK….

I have been doing some tinkering with this site; a new theme and organization. Please feel free to take a look, I would love your feedback. I thought it’s time for a change…change is good.

I have missed visiting you and reading your posts, I get a lot out of it!  I am looking forward to catching up which I will be doing for the next while.

I try in each of my posts to have some sort of point; a reason for all the fuss….but perhaps no reason is enough of a reason and a pretty good one at that.

😀

Strawberryindigo.

“You ask me why I spend my life writing?

Do I find entertainment? Is it worthwhile?

Above all does it pay?

If not, then, is there a reason?

I write only because there is a voice within me

That will not be still.”

~Sylvia Plath

.

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Scribbles from a little blue notebook…

Lonely Field in Cyan- Credit: SBI

Songbirds sing a song tinged with sweet hope bidding a farewell to the dark of yesterday’s night. The sun has not yet risen but they know it will, as do I. The clouds are strewn in patches across the sky. The sky is dark blue interlaced with an even deeper indigo that outline the tall buildings which are spotted with light. It seems every third window is lit with a warm and welcoming light. Each one reminds me there is a devoted soul inside who is engaged in some early morning business. I hope they will stop if only for a moment to watch the sun rise…and rise it will, just as it always does. There is a certain comfort in that. A certain knowingness that no matter how life changes there will always be some things we can depend on.

Credit: SBI

I hear the train in the distance just as I always do. It’s arrival is marked with a melancholic anticipation. The bike riders show up at the last-minute, their blinking helmet lights announcing their arrival. It is always this way. I sip the last of my hot tea and steady myself before we board the train. It is already half filled with early morning commuters.  We are all silent. There are no smiles, no revelry. Some stare out the windows, some read paperbacks and a few others steadily tap away on laptops. Many start to drift off and some are asleep as we make our way into the long dark tunnel that starts my morning journey.

I take out my little blue notebook and start to scribble, recording my thoughts and dreams and hopes and schemes.  I stretch my mind and explore my imagination searching for something profound or funny, but today I find nothing. …just the remnant of a song I heard earlier and the lingering doubts I sometimes feel about myself. Writing eases the lonely hours, this act keeps me from feeling so alone. It will be this very thing that will save me…someday…this I must believe.

Credit: SBI

The sun rises as we make our way from station to station. Yes It did come, this glorious sun! This sun we knew would come. I think of the songbirds back at the station I left far behind and I think of what awaits me at my stop where I will get off.  I smile a little private smile knowing that someday this will be all worthwhile as long as I can just take it day by day…

Reporting from the “wilds” of Beaverton,

Strawberryindigo.

Credit: SBI

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Today the world is colder…Senselessness at Sandy Hook Elementary

I am stunned and saddened by what has happened in Connecticut today and I am compelled to write this. I suppose that is only human nature; to reach out after such a tragic event. My fingers are flying across the keyboard as I quickly compose this.

First of all, my  heart goes out to all the families and to everyone involved…really…my heart goes out to everyone because we are all involved.

I yearn to offer words of comfort, of solace. I want to say that everything will be alright. .

I want to ask ‘Why?!”   I want to scream and rage and cry my eyes out! I want to make sense of all this senselessness, but it is all much too shocking and much too fresh…

All I can say at this point is this must stop!

I am frightened at what this world is becoming.  I’ve been making light of this end of days business; this crazy notion that the Mayan’s have predicted the world ending on December 21st of this year.  I still don’t believe in that insane notion but nevertheless, I am keeping myself and my family at home on that day, not because I believe the world will end but because I doubt the sanity of my fellow humans and I don’t trust in them. I guess I should say “us” because it is “us”  and this angers me.

Is this what we humans are about?!  We think the world will end so we go crazy…this mania is contagious and if I have helped spread it by my making fun of it, I regret this… and again I say, this time I am screaming; THIS MUST STOP!!!!

Why oh why do we humans need to turn on each other in times of crisis?

This is a rhetorical question I expect no answer…and I really don’t know why I am writing this…I can offer you nothing really, no insight or answers, no comfort but to offer a discourse and a suggestion…a sugggestion that will probably be repeated time and time again over the coming days.

Be there for your loved ones, hug them a little tighter tonight.  Be a shoulder to cry on or an ear to talk off, or a heart to reach out with love.  Be there; because we need each other–especially right now.

I have tried in the past to keep this blog light…I want to be a port in the storm on a sea of darkness but today is just too dark for that but I will make a promise to you, my friends. On THAT day–you know the one..the day I’ll be staying home, I will be publishing a frivolous distraction and I will do my best to make you smile, perhaps to give you a laugh or two but today the wound is still too fresh but on that day I promise this…

…for now I want to say…. I need to say…I’m sorry…

Take care and remember LOVE is contagious too.

♥ Nancy (aka Strawberryindigo.)

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